RSVP please....

It's sad to say that while the wedding is just a shy 3 weeks away, we have yet to receive the RSVP from a lot of people. I'm not sure what holds them up, probably they just love giving us "surprise". Or was is because they are waiting to receive more exciting ones, and is keeping ours as backup in case they are not invited? I believe many bride-to-be has been or is in this situation. Should we just give up their seats to others who are eager to go but didn't get the invitation due to seat limited? Or should we keep their seat regardless they are going to make it or not? We wouldn't mind if they try to give us reasonable excuses for not able to make it or just a flat "sorry, I don't think I wanna join your wedding dinner". At least that would make it easier for us to do the head counts and prepare the seating. Here is something I pick from a website. This is the part that really voice out what is in my heart.

"R.S.V.P.- the French phrase "répondez s'il vous plait," means "please reply". An incomplete list of respondents can cause numerous problems for a host, including difficulty in contracts with venues, planning schedules, food, parking, security, people-moving, seating, party favors and more. Sometimes the biggest issue is embarrassment for the host or the guest of honor."

Include the question the extent of your need for RSVPs in early planning phases of your event. If your event is formal or complex or expensive- you must be willing to suffer over your numbers. If you can afford to be hospitable by being more flexible or casual or simple or spending more money (!) - you will have less to worry over with your response rate.

However, we all have times when we want to provide a finely-tuned, high quality experience for guests, and the RSVP is the way to accomplish this. If you have an event that needs all the fine-tuning that a solid RSVP system provides, here are some ideas:

Take ample time on the invitations . Consider it an investment that can really pay off (how I wish) in favorable response for your event. Make the invitations memorable. Color, style, design, scale, a gimmick – consider these as techniques to trigger people's memory. Tune your invitation to the event so that it sets an accurate set of expectations in your guest's mind – for instance, if it is highly formal, you need to stay within formal perimeters."

We have also printed out the date for replying at the invitation. Hopefully they will see it and choose to obey, instead of making our life more miserable by painstakingly chasing after them for an answer.

"If you need to, set a clear, firm RSVP date. Include a phrase like: "This date cannot extend, promptness is a must. If we do not hear in time we must sadly take you from our list..." "

It's not a practise in our custom to limit the number of people an invited guest can bring. I really wish we can have the say but sadly, parents don't allow it and relatives can't accept it. Even some friends just don't understand the difficulty and insisted on bring the whole village. We have receive RSVP from Hubs friend who stated that the XX husband, XX son 1 and XX son 2 are coming. They should understand that wedding is mainly for adults and children are only allow for close relative. If only we can go this.....

"For more formal events, use wording: “We will reserve 4 seat(s) in your honor until April 25, 2007” on the RSVP card. This firmly indicates the maximum number of guests you are inviting and the need for a response.

Cover issues of people bringing children, dates or guests. Never print "no children" or "adults only" on an invitation. The way an invitation is addressed should indicate the names of exactly who - and by omission, who is not invited. Or, one can print: “Adult Reception.” Consider providing a babysitting service for your event if the participation of children presents a problem."

If we still didn't have the RSVP from the guest, trust me, I'm going to send out the e-invitation stating that their seat is only reserve till Xdate. Without any confirmation from them, their seats will be given up to others who might want to bring extra guest.

"Send out an email or call those you have not heard from by a certain date - it's perfectly acceptable in all guides on good manners.

Use face-saving phrases like:
"It has come to our attention that some people have not received their invitations to our event on May 3, 2007. If you did not receive your invitation, please let me know immediately so we can send another one. Hope to hear that you can attend the event!!" "

If only the guest will have this kinda info, then the arrangement won't be a headache for us anymore.

"What hosts should know about R.S.V.P. manners:

Be clear and give good direction. Do not be upset at people if you have not communicated well.

People are obligated to R.S.V.P. any time that they are invited to an event. That does not mean that they know this fact or will comply.

People should respond by the date on the invitation. If there is no date, they should reply within 48 hours.

If a guest responds “no” and then finds they can attend, it is appropriate to call the host and explain that they are honored to be invited, that schedules have changed and, if it's convenient, they'd like to attend. Hosts can accept or say no.

If it is an out-of-town event or a financially complicated event, potential guests can call and explain and ask what the absolute latest date to R.S.V.P. is. This is an acceptable inquiry on the part of your potential guest. "

For the most part, seeing the RSVPs roll in can be a fun part of planning! Seeing people responding and their well wishes really make us smile (but not those with extra uninvited guest). I have heard of cases whereby the guest brings his/her cousins or some other pick up stranger so that he/she won't be lonely. Have they thought of the host's feeling? Even more when it's seat limited like mine? Hubs and I were going down the list for the bazillionth time, trying to see if we can spare to cut out a few more people. Basically he's doing his and I'm doing mine. I wanted to help him cause I know it'll be hard to cut out but I know he will want to handle that himself.

A friend of mine started asking me, " Did you invite so and so?". Well, I didn't plan to invite them in the first place. But since she asked and she seems lonely, I did invite the others at last. Just as expected, they all come back with NO and secretly I'm so happy.I swear, sometimes I really get scared that this wedding is turning me into a horrible person. Does anyone else feel this way? Has anyone else gone through a similar situation?